Cancer Strikes the Heart First
by Unlikely Princess
Summary: Death doesnt discriminate


Okay guys its been awhile since I wrote anything but this just struck me be nice if you review please. Constructive criticism appreciated. As always none of the characters belong to me. Thanks ^_^

-Princess

Here we go again back in this little hospital room because you can't face the truth in what's happening in your life. I'm so tired of this every time something gets a little hard you light up again. No matter how much I beg you to talk to me or try to give you your space it's never enough. You want to act like there's no one there for you. But if you looked right in front of your eyes you would see someone who would do anything and everything for you even risk their own life to save yours no matter how little you think of yourself not everyone sees you that way and I wish you would just stop to believe in yourself. I'm too tired to care anymore how you feel about anything and by the way you've acted these past six years I can see you feel the same way about what I feel. I could handle it as long as your okay but now you're not. Now the sickness has complete control of your body and there's not enough magic in the world to stop the failings of we mere mortals. Cancer! Who could every believe that CANCER could kill one of the most powerful wizards to ever walk this Earth? Certainly not you, even when I tried to tell you about Muggle illnesses. Do you remember our first conversation about it? I do clear as a bell.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^Flashback^^^^^^^^^^^^^

September 6 years ago.

I woke up that morning and you were already gone which wasn't unusual but disappointing none the less. I got my pajamas on and walked through our chambers to get some coffee started for the morning. After it was finished I made two cups and put warming charms on them to carry them to your lab that's when I saw your robes on the curtain hanging on the coat rack and immediately thought something was wrong you never brew without your robe. My fear grew more once I checked your labs and you weren't there. I ran through all our rooms and never caught a glimpse of you. I headed out the dungeons to the headmasters office when I saw your unmistakable silhouette by the lake. I was so happy to know where you were that I ran to I you forgetting about the snow on the ground and the fact that i was still in my pajamas. When I caught up with you the smell of Muggle cigarettes was the first thing that reached me. "Severus?" Your head whipped toward me as the cancer stick dropped out of your mouth and fell to the ground drawing my eyes to the butts littering the ground around you off-hand I saw at least six butts fully smoked. Your eyes widened slightly when I started to tell you all the dangers of cigarettes and the different effects on your body, to which your only response was "I'm a wizard, Harry. We don't get Muggle sicknesses. Besides I've done it for years." I asked you over and over to stop and you finally turned to come inside but not before you stuck the rest of the pack in your pockets. I huffed but kept quiet the rest of the day in utter disappointment that you could be that weak to have a vice that disgusting.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^Flashback End^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Over the years once I knew what to look for I found the signs everywhere and every time the arguments got worse until they resulted in screaming matches. The only thing you thought was that I was controlling you. You never thought that it was because I knew what I was talking about or that maybe I worried about you.

You had a dangerous life and I never could understand why you would put yourself at an even bigger risk to ending that life any earlier than it had to. I thought you respected and loved yourself more than that. I thought you loved me more than that. Then the day came when you had your first dose of reality.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^Flashback^^^^^^^^^^^^^

January 4 years ago

We had just finished an argument over yet another pack of cigarettes I found in your drawer, when you suddenly stopped all movements and a look of pain crossed your face while you clutched your chest and fell to the floor panting and closing your eyes. I ran to the floo and called Madam Pomfrey to come see what was wrong.

When she arrived she cast a few spells on you and declared you stable for the moment but said we had to get you to Saint Mungo's Hospital as soon as possible. Once we had arrived the healers announced you had a stroke. My eyes welled up once they said you weren't going to be okay. They said it wasn't a bad stroke but upon further analyzes they found that your years of smoking had caused a permanent problem within your body. You started to wake up and nobody said a word until your eyes were fully open. I threw myself on your chest and hugged you tightly as the healers repeated what they had told me. You gripped my hand and turned even paler as the continued to tell you the news that they hadn't finished. I let out a sob as the Healers told us you had Lung Cancer due to smoking Muggle cigarettes. Your eyes welled up with tears for the first time since I've known you as they looked at me I could almost see the "I'm sorry" your lips couldn't say. You couldn't understand how it happened how this happened to a wizard. The healers looked at us sadly as they said "Death doesn't discriminate." It had progressed so far into your system they couldn't operate but the Healers said with Chemo treatments you could improve your chances of living. But they couldn't say for certain for how long. That day was the beginning of hell for both of us.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^Flashback End^^^^^^^^^^^^^

That was the first visit after that we had to go back every month for more treatments and even after all that you still refused to give up the damn things even when the doctors said you were only making it worse for yourself. A year went by and you kept going to the treatments and then smoking your cigarettes hell-bent on not stopping and every time I mentioned it to you, you left for days saying you needed to clear your mind but you never knew how much it hurt that you wouldn't talk to me about anything you'd rather the cancer eat away at you. You had another stroke this time they said the had to take your leg off. I held you that night while we cried together and I thought as long as he stops now it wont get worse but you didn't the next morning you were up smoking I dragged you to Chemo in a wheelchair and you puffed you cigarettes along the way ignoring everything I was saying about how much worse it would be if you didn't stop.

Almost four years after that first visit and two years after they took your leg they said the disease had spread to your throat and that's why your voice had gotten rougher and why blood had started coming out when you coughed they said you needed a stoma put in. A few days later we flooed home and you know longer had that beautiful voice. Now it sounded like radio static was coming out with the words. But you still wouldn't stop no matter what the healers told you, you wouldn't just STOP. Six months ago they brought you here to the hospital because your body wasn't accepting the radiation or chemo treatments anymore and the needed to constantly watch you but I have been here every morning before you open your eyes and long after they close because it kills me to leave your side never knowing when it might be the last.

The anger has gone out of me as I sit here and think about the past few years. Now I'm just waiting for you to open those dark brown eyes so I can know everything will be okay at least for another day. Its only 10 o'clock and you've been getting up later and later. I get up to relieve myself and pour another cup of coffee. I've just finished washing my hands when I hear loud voices and running down the hall. Oh god what if its you? I follow the healers and sure enough its your room there all in. One of the nurses tells me I can't go inside now and my world shatters and I sit outside the door for what feels like an eternity. When one of the healers walk out I glance at the clock its only been fifteen minutes I look at his face scared of what I'll see there. He gives me a sad look and says they're sorry they did everything they could. I push past him and run into the room my heart in my shoes tears streaming down my face as I let out a howl that shakes the walls oft he hospital. There you are under a white sheet face calm not moving. My friend,my lover my world dead. I didn't even get to say goodbye to you. I sunk to the floor and cried until I passed out. Why didn't you stop when I asked? You would still be here. As soon as I knew you were smoking I felt the fear creep into my chest. The cancer may have struck your lungs but it struck my heart first.


End file.
